Hi Erica! I read your introduction and I am really excite to see more from you. Also, I love your visual pun above. I think that idea of taking different creation stories and somehow melding them together into a cohesive story is very interesting, especially with the giant as the vocal point. I think that you give a good idea of what your storybook will be about, without giving away to many key details. It build interest and just enough tension to make me want to read more. And bring it from the point of view of what I assume will be the creator, very interesting and innovative. I think you have a lot of good material to work with and an interesting premise to explore in the coming sections. I hope that you are able to weave these tales together and I look forward to reading your stories in the future.
Hey Erica! I really liked the layout of your website. The navigation made it easy to navigate to each page. The website just looks really good in general. The only thing I would probably change is the banner image you have on your homepage to something that fits more with your project. A giant, creation, or a time-related picture like what you used on your introduction page, I think would fit on your homepage banner. I like the topic you chose for your project! The concept of giants being responsible for the beginning of the world is very interesting. I can not wait to read more in the future. I also like the idea that you are not coming in from it in the perspective as one of the giants but an observer. It will be interesting to see how you weave all of those stories together into one unit.
Giants are an interesting topic, because they show up so often in many different cultures. The image of the stones for your home page banner is an interesting choice. I'm not sure if it's meant to relate to one of your stories, or if it's simply meant to set the tone. It makes me think of giants living in caves; is this intentional, or just my own interpretation?
For the introduction, I like the idea of a silent observer. They won't be a part of the stories themselves, just telling it, which means that the focus will be on the tale itself instead of someone interfering with the stories by joining or replacing the cast. The mention of the "corrected tales" implies that your stories will diverge from the originals, either in plot, character actions/motivations, or both. I look forward to seeing that!
Also, for the introduction picture: is the watch meant to relate to the observer and how they've "been around for quite some _time_", or am I reaching again? I don't see a connection otherwise, besides possibly setting a more austere tone for the watcher's personality.
Erica, I love how mysterious your introduction is! It is so intriguing to try to guess who could have been there to witness the creation of the world. The introduction left me with so many questions, but in a good way. Like, how have humans not noticed giants? What was there part in creation? You have done a great job of creating interest in a subject that I would not have naturally gravitated towards. I also thought your graphics so far were really good. One thing I would point out, even though I realize this is kind of creation story, I quite literally saw the word "creation" quite a bit in your introduction, so you might just see if there is a couple places where you could substitute another word to make it more readable. All in all I am really excited about this project and I had no idea giants could be so interesting!
Hey Erica, I was really interested in reading your introduction because of your title. Something about it reminds me of a story I would have read in my childhood. I really like the mystery and suspense you left in the last line. Telling us that a few things need to be set straight really paves the way for limitless storytelling, but also gives me the feeling that there are going to be lots of creative twists in it!
One recommendation I have would be to make sure that the "Silent Watcher" has a specific voice. You already did a great job of adding eccentricity to the way he/she speaks, but I think maintaining a specific style would really help with the immersion and believability of the character, but really that is only missing in a few small spots. There's not much to change, except for adding the next story so I can get reading!
Hey Erica! I really enjoyed reading your introduction! It really grabbed my attention from the beginning and carried it throughout the introduction. I liked how you addressed various popular beliefs about how life was created and then debunked them. It sparked my curiosity even further and made me want to continue reading. I was curious, however, with the introduction of the giants. It seemed as if the narrator would be the creator but the introduction took a turn. So, is the narrator a giant himself? Or, is the narrator just a narrator and the giants the actual creators? Anyways, I look forward to reading your story!
Hi Erica! I decided to revisit your storybook again this week to see how it's going. I think that it's an interesting direction to take it, looking back on myths and saying how they go it right or wrong, and the first person narration works well for that. But I think that there could be more action, more dialogue to draw the reader in, because right now it reads like a long exposition. Personally, exposition looses my interest no matter how well it is written so there could be more action, something that happens. It could be changing how it is told, so it sounds more like you friend telling you something crazy that happened or setting you straight. I really like the website design and I think it works really well to explore the types of stories you are working through. I look forward to seeing this develop further!
Hi Erica! This is my first time to your storybook, and I am very impressed. Your introduction was well written and really gave a good back story to what the rest of stories will be about. I liked that you divide the introduction in to several small paragraphs. I found myself wanting to continue to read more, and was then excited that you had written your first story. Your storybook is very unique, and I can see other readers getting excited to see what it has to offer. "The beginning" story really helped in reemphasizing the star to man and how it came to be from the Chinese. While I am unfamiliar with the original story, your author's note helped. Is your entire storybook going to be from the spectator's view? Or is it about the giants? Or is each story your going to have be about a different giant? This is one question that left me a little confused after reading your introduction, but overall your storybook is really good and I look forward to see how the rest turns out!
I love the way your Storybook is set up! It looks really nice and clean and is easy to navigate which is really important! I was immediately drawn into your Introduction when you said, "it is because I was there." Woah! That really makes me want to read more! I'm curious to read more about this silent watcher and what they have to share! I think the Introduction is really well written and leads readers into wanting to read more of your Storybook. Your first story is well written as well. I don't even want to experience the boredom you mention these beings were feeling in the first couple of paragraphs, it doesn't sound fun. Your Author's Note explains how you want the story to be a bit more vague than the original and I think you do a good job of that, you explain how the energy is put to use but not really the specifics behind it which I think is what you were going for. Good job and I'm excited to read more!
Hi Erica! I really like the images you used for your storybook, especially the one for the introduction post. The pocket watches hint at the fact that the narrator has been around for a long time and there's something about the lighting and the way it's framed that looks mysterious, kind of like your mysterious timeless narrator. I also like the stars on the first story because they look a lot like what I imagine the narrator sees, hanging out in space since the beginning of the universe. Overall, your storybook is really aesthetically pleasing. I also love the way you're using a narrator who witnessed the creation of the Earth without being directly involved in it to tell the story. And I thought the use of gender neutral pronouns to refer to Pangu, since they existed outside of human society and before humans could have started applying concepts of gender.
Erica, Your intro has me excited for your storybook. I absolutely love how your narrator describes himself or herself to the reader as being a silent watcher". It makes me so curious and eager to continue reading your story book. Awesome awesome job with the intro to your story book. I don't think it could get any better.
This part did make me super curious though. Will you explain at the end of your story or later at some point who this "silent watcher" is on Earth? I would love to find out more about the person telling the story, since it is being told by that person's perspective.
I love that you are deciding to keep your story more mysterious and vague. You discuss a good amount of detail while also keeping the reader curious. I am eager to see what else you come up with for your storybook!
Hey Erica. Your storybook seems really interesting. I like how your narrator is using the origin of things to start the storybook and begin the stories about Giants and Men. Something to consider would be including a more detailed explanation of which types/stories you plan to include - but I don't think it is strictly necessary unless it is something you would like to do. It would also be nice to know a little bit more about the narrator, other than them being a silent watcher. You are playing on the imagination of the reader, but it is important to also give the reader concrete details and information so that their imagination has a good foundation to build upon. Personally, I would like to see you capitalize on the anonymity of the narrator by using pieces from different cultural stories, characteristics of different storytellers and ect. It will be interesting to see where you are taking this storybook!
Hi Erica! I like how the introduction is centered and how it starts out with a little history of how people believe earth and humans were created. I like how you first started off saying that all theories were wrong and that you knew how it all happened. And that you will tell us how it came to be in your next three stories! I like the title of your first story, “Of Giants and Men” because I had to read Of Mice and Men in middle school and its bringing me back to those days. I like how you kept the story pretty similar to your own and added in how giants are created. The original is so great that you did not need to change much to make your story just as good. I like how there is a variety of sizes for the giants. Most people think that they are all the same size, but that would never be. Anyways, great first story and I look forward to reading the next.
Your introduction had me instantly hooked to read your stories! I liked the calm tone that this “spectator” had, it was soothing to read. I think you use the phrase “quite perceptive” in referring to humans and humankind twice, and I wonder if they are tying something together?
For your second story, I love your header, first of all. It really caught my eye and set the scene. I like that you switched from calling Pangu he and instead used they. I think huge almost god-like creatures surely wouldn’t be confined by a human gender-binary, and for me, the fact that you noted this was awesome. I felt sad that Pangu “died” to create Earth, but I think that goes to show you wrote well and made me care for them in such a short amount of space! I liked how you showed two sides of a story, what the original myth says, and what the “spectator” actually watched happen. I am excited to see the other stories for this! Good luck!
Hey Erica! I really enjoyed reading your story book as you did a great job writing the introduction and “The Beginning”. One thing that you might want to consider is adding another picture for both parts, as the picture in the banners are nice and fit the mood, I feel you might be able to add more style and let the reader imagine more with pictures within the text.
In your writing I felt you did a great job as to describing the giants. I think by making them vary in the way they are sized and what not shows that not all of them are the same and allow the reader to imagine them better. This can be shown perfectly in describing Pangu! I also enjoy that you are writing in the view of an observer which truly makes it more personable for the reader as if they can imagine, which you reinforce with the tone you write in.
Hey Erica! Your storybook about giants is super interesting. I love how you started to explain the beginning of the world in your introduction, and your first story served as a continuation of this. I felt like I understood exactly what you were saying throughout both of these posts, so good job with the writing content. A suggestion would be to give us more imagery on what Pangus really look like. We know they're giants and were once on the Earth alone -- but what did they really look like? Did they resemble normal people that were just big, or did they have interesting characteristics? Another suggestion I have would be adding in a photograph somewhere of one of these Pangus so that the reader can visualize these characters prior to reading about them. So far, you’re doing great on telling the story and making it transition from one place to the next. Good work!
Hi Erica. I'm from Indian Epics, so your stories were entirely unfamiliar to me. I think giants are an often-underused part of myths, and I’m glad to see you give them a bit of love! I really like the mystery component of your story; I am absolutely curious about the narrator, and the origin of pangu. I’m also curious if you plan to use stories of giants from other cultures, or if you will only be sticking with giants from Chinese myths. I also really like the casual storytelling method of the main narrator. It gives off the sense that none of this is really significant to them, which helps add to the mysteriousness. You did wrap up some of my questions about the source content in the author’s note, but the one thing I was curious about is if the perspective that you present in your introduction is based on a particular myth, or did you create that perspective for this project? Cool read, can’t wait to see it at the end!
Hi Erica! I like your story about Pangu and the creation of the world! I think it is great and I never heard of it before! I am in the Indian Epics class so it is really neat to compare how the projects are being done in each class. Somehow this seems a lot more appealing to me... perhaps because it is about giants idk! I also think it is great that it is a chinese myth and that is very interesting as well. ONe thing that I would suggest is to expand on the author's notes just a little bit more and add about how that could connect to an over-arching theme for your project? Connections like those I think carry a long way when making connections and things. Anyways, thanks for sharing your story!
Hi Erica! I really loved both of your stories in your storybook. Your introduction was great and I thought the ending of your Giants of the British Isles was hilarious. The mental picture of that giant dressed in baby clothes was really funny. Your introduction was great and I really enjoyed how you made a silent observer that was there from the beginning. This way you can have a narrator for each of your stories or you can switch to a character in the story if you need to. Your story of the beginning and and Pangu was great and I really feel like I was there along with the silent observer watching Pangu create the Earth. I wonder though if you will dive into more detail about who this silent watcher is at the end of your storybook? Both of your stories were great and I can see that you put a lot of effort into your storybook. I cannot wait to read the completed version.
Hi Erica! I really enjoyed going through your stories and navigating through the very well organized version of your storybook. I really enjoy how you shape the characters in your story and really make them alive for the reader to dive into and question about. I think you have a gift for creating a plot that is super detailed and intricate, so that nothing gets left out of the transition from one scene to the next. I think you do a great job at making sure each setting is set up in such a way that the reader never has to question "where is the story going?" or "what place is she speaking of?" You have done with such excellence writing stories that portray not only your version of the story, but also going back to including the Myth/Folklore version and tying both very nice and neatly together. Thank you for sharing with us, from the other class! I hope you have a great week 11!
I really liked your storybook! I enjoy reading about the various creation stories people have come up with over the years and this one was good as well! I thought your site design was excellent as well. The banner images you used in each of your pages went very well with the stories in each. The introduction was particularly good. I felt very mysterious and interesting, which made me want to read further into your storybook. There's one thing I noticed in your page design. While the stories themselves are great, there's a lot of white space on either side of the text. It wasn't difficult to read by any means, but I wonder if adding something along the sides would make the page look more aesthetically pleasing. Maybe even if it's just a vertical line on either side. But anyways, I thought your storybook was very good and I'm interested in what the next story will be!
Hi Erica! Great storybook so far. I think the introduction does an excellent job of setting up the chronological organization that you stick to for the rest of the stories. I wonder how modern your next story will be! Your first story is a solid choice (where better to start than at the beginning?). I’m a sucker for grand origin stories of the earth. I do think the use of “they” as a neutral pronoun to describe Pangu is a double-edged sword. On one hand, I think it lends to the transcendent feeling of the character. On the other, there’s points where it really feels like you’re writing about a collective rather than an individual. I’m not sure if there’s a way around this other than making more use of Pangu’s name, but it’s something I picked up on.
The second story was structured really well and introduced the concept of “bigger=better” early on, ultimately finishing it in a rewarding and comical way. I enjoyed reading this one!
Hi Erica, my name is Nikole and I am in the Indian Epics class of Dr. Gibbs! First of all, your Introduction was wonderfully written and I believe it does a great job of bringing readers in to read the remaining stories. In the story "The Beginning," I liked how you dedicated one paragraph talking about how Pangu looks like. This allows readers to paint a picture in their head of what this group of giants look like. In your concluding paragraph, I liked how you already made that transition into your next story. I have not seen that done in previous Storybooks, but I think it is clever and keeps the momentum going. I enjoyed reading "Giants of the British Isles," but I wish you explained how they look like just as you did with Pangu. Do they look the same as the Pangu or different? Overall the story was great and intriguing, but maybe just a little bit more background information could help. You have written some cool creative stories thus far, Erica! Keep it up. :)
Nice to meet you Erica! I just finished up reading your story "Of Giants and Men". Usually it is hard for me to get captured by a story, especially with students writing their stories at the last minute with little to no effort put into them, but I could not stop reading your story! I love the spectator who was alone in the inverse for an eternity, then another being similar to him shows up, but this new being is more interested in doing something than just hanging around. The ambiguity within your story is what I think made me want to keep reading the story. I was not sure what would happen. I also love space and find the different versions of how earth was created throughout ancient culture to be incredibly interesting, so this was a very enjoyable read for me. The only thing that you could change, although completely unnecessary, "At the beginning", could be, "In the Beginning".
I'm visiting from Indian Epics, and I really enjoyed your site. Origins are fascinating, and I have never heard of Pangu before. This was really fun reading, and I liked the subtle narration by the unknown spectator. The Giants of the British Isles was absolutely delightful, and I laughed :) This is a really cool concept, and your writing flows very nicely.
The structure of each of the stories fits in wonderfully wiht the introduction, and I was impressed with the seamless transitions in each using the spectator's narration. I cannot wait to find out who the the mysterious observer is! I'm also eager to see which culture's giant myths will show up next.
My only suggestion is: pictures! I would love to see versions of how these giants looked according to the legends, and it would be fun to compare how each giant type differed across the stories.
Hi Erica. I’m glad I randomed into you again and that you have a new story! I liked this story, and again I had no idea of the source material before reading your post. I thought you did a good job of portraying Finn McCool as a total badass giant until he bumps into the Scottish giants; I was totally expecting him to be the biggest, baddest giant there was! I think the only thing you should change about your story is telling the reader where the humans got the story wrong. I haven’t read the original, so I’m assuming that the places where you say humans got it wring are the places where you made significant changes to the story. If that’s the case, I think you should mention your changes in your author’s note, not in the story. It felt a little disruptive to the flow of the story, so I think the authors note would help with that.
Hi Erica, This is my first time viewing your storybook and I am really impressed. I think your idea of basing your stories off giants is really creative and fun. Your banner images tie nicely into your theme and I like the overall layout and look of your website. Your introduction was great, and gave a lot of information about what is to come on the next few pages. It definitely made me intrigued to keep reading! As far as your stories go, you have a really great writing quality. You are good at transitions and paying attention to detail. I can't wait to read more!
The randomizer brought me to your page and I was very excited because this is my first time visiting it. I am really impressed by the layout of your website. One thing that caught my attention that to get to the introduction and stories you have to click on the drop down menu. I liked this layout because it is different from the tradition layout and also keeps your home page less crowded. Also I like all the colors on you site, it really goes right along with the theme of your story. One thing that I noticed that I recently corrected myself on was that when writing the author's note, be sure to tell the reader what has changed from the original story and why you gave that twist to the story. This will help the reader to better understand the original story and your story as well. Overall, really great job! I am looking forward to visiting your page again.
Hey Erica! I really liked the layout of your website. Being the first time I have viewed your story book I took a minute clicking around and appreciating the layout.The side bar was a nice touch that really made all of your stories easy to access. Your intro was full of great detail that lead one on to read the other stories from an informed point of view. The cover photos are really nice and help paint a scene, but I would have enjoyed seeing a photo or two within the actual stories. Great job.
Hi Erica! So I overall like the look and feel of your Storybook, and I think I actually read your introduction a few weeks back. I am going to focus on your most recent story- The Giants Purged. One small thing, why is Earth italicized? Maybe that is something I am missing but I found it kind of distracting. Also, you might elaborate on why Pangu did not know that there was a little bit of magic in the rocks that built Earth. Right now the story just says he built it with no magic, oh wait no he didn't. Another question is how did the magic get from the rocks to the bean? Finally, my last question I swear, why didn't the other giants try to go to this heaven place where the English giants were? Did they hide the beanstalk? All in all I think you did a really good job and the story flowed well!
I really like the layout of your website! The menu bar on the left combined with the banner on the right looks really sleek, and the colors work well together throughout your entire site with the dark gray and crimson. I also like that you have a link to your comment wall from each story, which makes it easy to get here.
The first person narration of the stories is done really well, and the elaboration on certain aspects of the story such as how magic became a part of Earth in "The Giants Purged" flows very naturally. The alteration of the story of Jack and the Beanstalk is great, although it could be interesting to see a little more of Jack's thoughts since you mention that he was against attacking the giants.
The flow from each story to the next is well done too, making use of things mentioned previously and making your storybook a great continuity.
Hi Erica! I am happy that I get the chance to read your storybook. From first glance, I really liked your layout. My only complaint would we that it took a few minutes to find out where I can find your stories. The sidebar is a very nice idea, but I do not think that it was that practical. As I moved on to read your stories, I liked how you put the link to comment on each page. This makes it a lot simpler to go and comment. Your color scheme was also great! I have nothing but good to say about your blog. I have noticed that some of the other students have already commented on some of your grammar mistakes. I would suggest to just go back and reread your stories to find your mistakes. I thought that the content of each story was developed and really good.
I love your portfolio! Of giants and men reminds me of the John Steinbeck story of mice and men. One thing that could be really cool is another story that concludes and connects how all your stories connect! I really appreciate the author's notes as well because that connects the stuff that I don't know! IT also explains why you chose your stories which is what I really appreiciate. The similarities between the Indian Epics and the Myths in your class are also really interesting and I think that is so cool!
Hi Erica! I can't believe it's the end of semester and this is the first time I've looked at your storybook. I'm glad I've gotten to it before the class is over! I absolutely love your narrator, and I think the way you've characterized him/her/it gives your stories a very ethereal quality. I also appreciate that you didn't change too much in your first story about the giants of the British Isles. Sometimes folklore is pretty good as it is, and I think it's better to go easy on tweaking rather than overdo it if you really enjoyed the original. Your version of Jack and the Beanstalk is so creative! Especially since giants are so often the villains of the story, it was cool to see them cast in a different light. I didn't notice any issues, so all that's left to say is that you did a great job!
A compilation of stories about giants is such a cool idea for a Storybook project! I have been fascinated by some of the tropes and reoccurring characters that have appeared across our weeks of readings, such as clever foxes and wicked stepmothers, but I never would have thought to focus in on giants. That's such a unique aspect of your project!
My feedback focuses mostly on your introduction and first story about Pangu. I noticed in your author's note that you kept the story of Pangu's origins vague on purpose, but as a reader, that lack of specificity made it difficult for me to keep up. I think it would be helpful if you specified that Pangu's creation occurred in outer pace or some other void, just to clarify the setting.
Overall, I think you have done great work in creating this Storybook, and I have truly enjoyed reading it!
It's interesting to come back to a storybook that has only changed in minor ways since I last read it, but looking for those small changes is really neat!
The addition of the conclusion at the end of the last story helps to tie the entire storybook together. It clarifies that massacres like that are the reason that giants are seen, because they are all in hiding from humans for fear of getting killed in the same way. I don't remember the line about Jack's papa becoming one of the richest men on Earth, which is a bitter thing in the story; despite the fact that he did something evil out of greed, he still comes out with everything he wanted and no karmic punishment.
The narrator's comment at the end is a nice touch as well, implying that the giants will come back out of hiding at some point in the future.
Hey Erica! I absolutely love your storybook! First off, I love your title! Was this an allusion to Of Mice and Men? Your website has a great design and I love the pictures you chose to include. Your writing is wonderful and creative. I love how you changed up the originals and made them your own. Your introduction does a great job of setting the scene and giving us a little hint into the world we are stepping into. It also does a great job of hooking your readers and making them want to read more. I am so glad I got to read your work and I hope you find a way to continue with creative writing in the future! Good luck!
Hi Erica! I read your introduction and I am really excite to see more from you. Also, I love your visual pun above. I think that idea of taking different creation stories and somehow melding them together into a cohesive story is very interesting, especially with the giant as the vocal point. I think that you give a good idea of what your storybook will be about, without giving away to many key details. It build interest and just enough tension to make me want to read more. And bring it from the point of view of what I assume will be the creator, very interesting and innovative. I think you have a lot of good material to work with and an interesting premise to explore in the coming sections. I hope that you are able to weave these tales together and I look forward to reading your stories in the future.
ReplyDeleteHey Erica! I really liked the layout of your website. The navigation made it easy to navigate to each page. The website just looks really good in general. The only thing I would probably change is the banner image you have on your homepage to something that fits more with your project. A giant, creation, or a time-related picture like what you used on your introduction page, I think would fit on your homepage banner. I like the topic you chose for your project! The concept of giants being responsible for the beginning of the world is very interesting. I can not wait to read more in the future. I also like the idea that you are not coming in from it in the perspective as one of the giants but an observer. It will be interesting to see how you weave all of those stories together into one unit.
ReplyDeleteGiants are an interesting topic, because they show up so often in many different cultures. The image of the stones for your home page banner is an interesting choice. I'm not sure if it's meant to relate to one of your stories, or if it's simply meant to set the tone. It makes me think of giants living in caves; is this intentional, or just my own interpretation?
ReplyDeleteFor the introduction, I like the idea of a silent observer. They won't be a part of the stories themselves, just telling it, which means that the focus will be on the tale itself instead of someone interfering with the stories by joining or replacing the cast. The mention of the "corrected tales" implies that your stories will diverge from the originals, either in plot, character actions/motivations, or both. I look forward to seeing that!
Also, for the introduction picture: is the watch meant to relate to the observer and how they've "been around for quite some _time_", or am I reaching again? I don't see a connection otherwise, besides possibly setting a more austere tone for the watcher's personality.
Erica, I love how mysterious your introduction is! It is so intriguing to try to guess who could have been there to witness the creation of the world. The introduction left me with so many questions, but in a good way. Like, how have humans not noticed giants? What was there part in creation? You have done a great job of creating interest in a subject that I would not have naturally gravitated towards. I also thought your graphics so far were really good. One thing I would point out, even though I realize this is kind of creation story, I quite literally saw the word "creation" quite a bit in your introduction, so you might just see if there is a couple places where you could substitute another word to make it more readable. All in all I am really excited about this project and I had no idea giants could be so interesting!
ReplyDeleteHey Erica, I was really interested in reading your introduction because of your title. Something about it reminds me of a story I would have read in my childhood. I really like the mystery and suspense you left in the last line. Telling us that a few things need to be set straight really paves the way for limitless storytelling, but also gives me the feeling that there are going to be lots of creative twists in it!
ReplyDeleteOne recommendation I have would be to make sure that the "Silent Watcher" has a specific voice. You already did a great job of adding eccentricity to the way he/she speaks, but I think maintaining a specific style would really help with the immersion and believability of the character, but really that is only missing in a few small spots. There's not much to change, except for adding the next story so I can get reading!
Hey Erica!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your introduction! It really grabbed my attention from the beginning and carried it throughout the introduction. I liked how you addressed various popular beliefs about how life was created and then debunked them. It sparked my curiosity even further and made me want to continue reading. I was curious, however, with the introduction of the giants. It seemed as if the narrator would be the creator but the introduction took a turn. So, is the narrator a giant himself? Or, is the narrator just a narrator and the giants the actual creators? Anyways, I look forward to reading your story!
Hi Erica!
ReplyDeleteI decided to revisit your storybook again this week to see how it's going. I think that it's an interesting direction to take it, looking back on myths and saying how they go it right or wrong, and the first person narration works well for that. But I think that there could be more action, more dialogue to draw the reader in, because right now it reads like a long exposition. Personally, exposition looses my interest no matter how well it is written so there could be more action, something that happens. It could be changing how it is told, so it sounds more like you friend telling you something crazy that happened or setting you straight. I really like the website design and I think it works really well to explore the types of stories you are working through. I look forward to seeing this develop further!
Hi Erica!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time to your storybook, and I am very impressed. Your introduction was well written and really gave a good back story to what the rest of stories will be about. I liked that you divide the introduction in to several small paragraphs. I found myself wanting to continue to read more, and was then excited that you had written your first story. Your storybook is very unique, and I can see other readers getting excited to see what it has to offer. "The beginning" story really helped in reemphasizing the star to man and how it came to be from the Chinese. While I am unfamiliar with the original story, your author's note helped. Is your entire storybook going to be from the spectator's view? Or is it about the giants? Or is each story your going to have be about a different giant? This is one question that left me a little confused after reading your introduction, but overall your storybook is really good and I look forward to see how the rest turns out!
Hey Erica!
ReplyDeleteI love the way your Storybook is set up! It looks really nice and clean and is easy to navigate which is really important! I was immediately drawn into your Introduction when you said, "it is because I was there." Woah! That really makes me want to read more! I'm curious to read more about this silent watcher and what they have to share! I think the Introduction is really well written and leads readers into wanting to read more of your Storybook. Your first story is well written as well. I don't even want to experience the boredom you mention these beings were feeling in the first couple of paragraphs, it doesn't sound fun. Your Author's Note explains how you want the story to be a bit more vague than the original and I think you do a good job of that, you explain how the energy is put to use but not really the specifics behind it which I think is what you were going for. Good job and I'm excited to read more!
Hi Erica! I really like the images you used for your storybook, especially the one for the introduction post. The pocket watches hint at the fact that the narrator has been around for a long time and there's something about the lighting and the way it's framed that looks mysterious, kind of like your mysterious timeless narrator. I also like the stars on the first story because they look a lot like what I imagine the narrator sees, hanging out in space since the beginning of the universe. Overall, your storybook is really aesthetically pleasing. I also love the way you're using a narrator who witnessed the creation of the Earth without being directly involved in it to tell the story. And I thought the use of gender neutral pronouns to refer to Pangu, since they existed outside of human society and before humans could have started applying concepts of gender.
ReplyDeleteErica,
ReplyDeleteYour intro has me excited for your storybook. I absolutely love how your narrator describes himself or herself to the reader as being a silent watcher". It makes me so curious and eager to continue reading your story book. Awesome awesome job with the intro to your story book. I don't think it could get any better.
This part did make me super curious though. Will you explain at the end of your story or later at some point who this "silent watcher" is on Earth? I would love to find out more about the person telling the story, since it is being told by that person's perspective.
I love that you are deciding to keep your story more mysterious and vague. You discuss a good amount of detail while also keeping the reader curious. I am eager to see what else you come up with for your storybook!
Hey Erica. Your storybook seems really interesting. I like how your narrator is using the origin of things to start the storybook and begin the stories about Giants and Men. Something to consider would be including a more detailed explanation of which types/stories you plan to include - but I don't think it is strictly necessary unless it is something you would like to do. It would also be nice to know a little bit more about the narrator, other than them being a silent watcher. You are playing on the imagination of the reader, but it is important to also give the reader concrete details and information so that their imagination has a good foundation to build upon. Personally, I would like to see you capitalize on the anonymity of the narrator by using pieces from different cultural stories, characteristics of different storytellers and ect. It will be interesting to see where you are taking this storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi Erica! I like how the introduction is centered and how it starts out with a little history of how people believe earth and humans were created. I like how you first started off saying that all theories were wrong and that you knew how it all happened. And that you will tell us how it came to be in your next three stories! I like the title of your first story, “Of Giants and Men” because I had to read Of Mice and Men in middle school and its bringing me back to those days. I like how you kept the story pretty similar to your own and added in how giants are created. The original is so great that you did not need to change much to make your story just as good. I like how there is a variety of sizes for the giants. Most people think that they are all the same size, but that would never be. Anyways, great first story and I look forward to reading the next.
ReplyDeleteErica,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction had me instantly hooked to read your stories! I liked the calm tone that this “spectator” had, it was soothing to read. I think you use the phrase “quite perceptive” in referring to humans and humankind twice, and I wonder if they are tying something together?
For your second story, I love your header, first of all. It really caught my eye and set the scene. I like that you switched from calling Pangu he and instead used they. I think huge almost god-like creatures surely wouldn’t be confined by a human gender-binary, and for me, the fact that you noted this was awesome. I felt sad that Pangu “died” to create Earth, but I think that goes to show you wrote well and made me care for them in such a short amount of space! I liked how you showed two sides of a story, what the original myth says, and what the “spectator” actually watched happen. I am excited to see the other stories for this! Good luck!
Hey Erica! I really enjoyed reading your story book as you did a great job writing the introduction and “The Beginning”. One thing that you might want to consider is adding another picture for both parts, as the picture in the banners are nice and fit the mood, I feel you might be able to add more style and let the reader imagine more with pictures within the text.
ReplyDeleteIn your writing I felt you did a great job as to describing the giants. I think by making them vary in the way they are sized and what not shows that not all of them are the same and allow the reader to imagine them better. This can be shown perfectly in describing Pangu! I also enjoy that you are writing in the view of an observer which truly makes it more personable for the reader as if they can imagine, which you reinforce with the tone you write in.
Great Work!!
Hey Erica! Your storybook about giants is super interesting. I love how you started to explain the beginning of the world in your introduction, and your first story served as a continuation of this. I felt like I understood exactly what you were saying throughout both of these posts, so good job with the writing content. A suggestion would be to give us more imagery on what Pangus really look like. We know they're giants and were once on the Earth alone -- but what did they really look like? Did they resemble normal people that were just big, or did they have interesting characteristics? Another suggestion I have would be adding in a photograph somewhere of one of these Pangus so that the reader can visualize these characters prior to reading about them. So far, you’re doing great on telling the story and making it transition from one place to the next. Good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Erica. I'm from Indian Epics, so your stories were entirely unfamiliar to me. I think giants are an often-underused part of myths, and I’m glad to see you give them a bit of love! I really like the mystery component of your story; I am absolutely curious about the narrator, and the origin of pangu. I’m also curious if you plan to use stories of giants from other cultures, or if you will only be sticking with giants from Chinese myths. I also really like the casual storytelling method of the main narrator. It gives off the sense that none of this is really significant to them, which helps add to the mysteriousness. You did wrap up some of my questions about the source content in the author’s note, but the one thing I was curious about is if the perspective that you present in your introduction is based on a particular myth, or did you create that perspective for this project? Cool read, can’t wait to see it at the end!
ReplyDeleteHi Erica! I like your story about Pangu and the creation of the world! I think it is great and I never heard of it before! I am in the Indian Epics class so it is really neat to compare how the projects are being done in each class. Somehow this seems a lot more appealing to me... perhaps because it is about giants idk! I also think it is great that it is a chinese myth and that is very interesting as well. ONe thing that I would suggest is to expand on the author's notes just a little bit more and add about how that could connect to an over-arching theme for your project? Connections like those I think carry a long way when making connections and things. Anyways, thanks for sharing your story!
ReplyDeleteHi Erica! I really loved both of your stories in your storybook. Your introduction was great and I thought the ending of your Giants of the British Isles was hilarious. The mental picture of that giant dressed in baby clothes was really funny. Your introduction was great and I really enjoyed how you made a silent observer that was there from the beginning. This way you can have a narrator for each of your stories or you can switch to a character in the story if you need to. Your story of the beginning and and Pangu was great and I really feel like I was there along with the silent observer watching Pangu create the Earth. I wonder though if you will dive into more detail about who this silent watcher is at the end of your storybook? Both of your stories were great and I can see that you put a lot of effort into your storybook. I cannot wait to read the completed version.
ReplyDeleteHi Erica! I really enjoyed going through your stories and navigating through the very well organized version of your storybook. I really enjoy how you shape the characters in your story and really make them alive for the reader to dive into and question about. I think you have a gift for creating a plot that is super detailed and intricate, so that nothing gets left out of the transition from one scene to the next. I think you do a great job at making sure each setting is set up in such a way that the reader never has to question "where is the story going?" or "what place is she speaking of?" You have done with such excellence writing stories that portray not only your version of the story, but also going back to including the Myth/Folklore version and tying both very nice and neatly together. Thank you for sharing with us, from the other class! I hope you have a great week 11!
ReplyDeleteHey Erica,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your storybook! I enjoy reading about the various creation stories people have come up with over the years and this one was good as well! I thought your site design was excellent as well. The banner images you used in each of your pages went very well with the stories in each. The introduction was particularly good. I felt very mysterious and interesting, which made me want to read further into your storybook. There's one thing I noticed in your page design. While the stories themselves are great, there's a lot of white space on either side of the text. It wasn't difficult to read by any means, but I wonder if adding something along the sides would make the page look more aesthetically pleasing. Maybe even if it's just a vertical line on either side. But anyways, I thought your storybook was very good and I'm interested in what the next story will be!
Hi Erica! Great storybook so far. I think the introduction does an excellent job of setting up the chronological organization that you stick to for the rest of the stories. I wonder how modern your next story will be! Your first story is a solid choice (where better to start than at the beginning?). I’m a sucker for grand origin stories of the earth. I do think the use of “they” as a neutral pronoun to describe Pangu is a double-edged sword. On one hand, I think it lends to the transcendent feeling of the character. On the other, there’s points where it really feels like you’re writing about a collective rather than an individual. I’m not sure if there’s a way around this other than making more use of Pangu’s name, but it’s something I picked up on.
ReplyDeleteThe second story was structured really well and introduced the concept of “bigger=better” early on, ultimately finishing it in a rewarding and comical way. I enjoyed reading this one!
Hi Erica, my name is Nikole and I am in the Indian Epics class of Dr. Gibbs! First of all, your Introduction was wonderfully written and I believe it does a great job of bringing readers in to read the remaining stories. In the story "The Beginning," I liked how you dedicated one paragraph talking about how Pangu looks like. This allows readers to paint a picture in their head of what this group of giants look like. In your concluding paragraph, I liked how you already made that transition into your next story. I have not seen that done in previous Storybooks, but I think it is clever and keeps the momentum going. I enjoyed reading "Giants of the British Isles," but I wish you explained how they look like just as you did with Pangu. Do they look the same as the Pangu or different? Overall the story was great and intriguing, but maybe just a little bit more background information could help. You have written some cool creative stories thus far, Erica! Keep it up. :)
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you Erica!
ReplyDeleteI just finished up reading your story "Of Giants and Men". Usually it is hard for me to get captured by a story, especially with students writing their stories at the last minute with little to no effort put into them, but I could not stop reading your story! I love the spectator who was alone in the inverse for an eternity, then another being similar to him shows up, but this new being is more interested in doing something than just hanging around. The ambiguity within your story is what I think made me want to keep reading the story. I was not sure what would happen. I also love space and find the different versions of how earth was created throughout ancient culture to be incredibly interesting, so this was a very enjoyable read for me. The only thing that you could change, although completely unnecessary, "At the beginning", could be, "In the Beginning".
Hi Erica!
ReplyDeleteI'm visiting from Indian Epics, and I really enjoyed your site. Origins are fascinating, and I have never heard of Pangu before. This was really fun reading, and I liked the subtle narration by the unknown spectator. The Giants of the British Isles was absolutely delightful, and I laughed :) This is a really cool concept, and your writing flows very nicely.
The structure of each of the stories fits in wonderfully wiht the introduction, and I was impressed with the seamless transitions in each using the spectator's narration. I cannot wait to find out who the the mysterious observer is! I'm also eager to see which culture's giant myths will show up next.
My only suggestion is: pictures! I would love to see versions of how these giants looked according to the legends, and it would be fun to compare how each giant type differed across the stories.
Really great work! Thank you!
Hi Erica. I’m glad I randomed into you again and that you have a new story! I liked this story, and again I had no idea of the source material before reading your post. I thought you did a good job of portraying Finn McCool as a total badass giant until he bumps into the Scottish giants; I was totally expecting him to be the biggest, baddest giant there was! I think the only thing you should change about your story is telling the reader where the humans got the story wrong. I haven’t read the original, so I’m assuming that the places where you say humans got it wring are the places where you made significant changes to the story. If that’s the case, I think you should mention your changes in your author’s note, not in the story. It felt a little disruptive to the flow of the story, so I think the authors note would help with that.
ReplyDeleteHi Erica,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time viewing your storybook and I am really impressed. I think your idea of basing your stories off giants is really creative and fun. Your banner images tie nicely into your theme and I like the overall layout and look of your website. Your introduction was great, and gave a lot of information about what is to come on the next few pages. It definitely made me intrigued to keep reading! As far as your stories go, you have a really great writing quality. You are good at transitions and paying attention to detail. I can't wait to read more!
Hey Erica!
ReplyDeleteThe randomizer brought me to your page and I was very excited because this is my first time visiting it. I am really impressed by the layout of your website. One thing that caught my attention that to get to the introduction and stories you have to click on the drop down menu. I liked this layout because it is different from the tradition layout and also keeps your home page less crowded. Also I like all the colors on you site, it really goes right along with the theme of your story. One thing that I noticed that I recently corrected myself on was that when writing the author's note, be sure to tell the reader what has changed from the original story and why you gave that twist to the story. This will help the reader to better understand the original story and your story as well. Overall, really great job! I am looking forward to visiting your page again.
Hey Erica! I really liked the layout of your website. Being the first time I have viewed your story book I took a minute clicking around and appreciating the layout.The side bar was a nice touch that really made all of your stories easy to access. Your intro was full of great detail that lead one on to read the other stories from an informed point of view. The cover photos are really nice and help paint a scene, but I would have enjoyed seeing a photo or two within the actual stories. Great job.
ReplyDeleteHi Erica! So I overall like the look and feel of your Storybook, and I think I actually read your introduction a few weeks back. I am going to focus on your most recent story- The Giants Purged. One small thing, why is Earth italicized? Maybe that is something I am missing but I found it kind of distracting. Also, you might elaborate on why Pangu did not know that there was a little bit of magic in the rocks that built Earth. Right now the story just says he built it with no magic, oh wait no he didn't. Another question is how did the magic get from the rocks to the bean? Finally, my last question I swear, why didn't the other giants try to go to this heaven place where the English giants were? Did they hide the beanstalk? All in all I think you did a really good job and the story flowed well!
ReplyDeleteI really like the layout of your website! The menu bar on the left combined with the banner on the right looks really sleek, and the colors work well together throughout your entire site with the dark gray and crimson. I also like that you have a link to your comment wall from each story, which makes it easy to get here.
ReplyDeleteThe first person narration of the stories is done really well, and the elaboration on certain aspects of the story such as how magic became a part of Earth in "The Giants Purged" flows very naturally. The alteration of the story of Jack and the Beanstalk is great, although it could be interesting to see a little more of Jack's thoughts since you mention that he was against attacking the giants.
The flow from each story to the next is well done too, making use of things mentioned previously and making your storybook a great continuity.
Hi Erica! I am happy that I get the chance to read your storybook. From first glance, I really liked your layout. My only complaint would we that it took a few minutes to find out where I can find your stories. The sidebar is a very nice idea, but I do not think that it was that practical. As I moved on to read your stories, I liked how you put the link to comment on each page. This makes it a lot simpler to go and comment. Your color scheme was also great! I have nothing but good to say about your blog. I have noticed that some of the other students have already commented on some of your grammar mistakes. I would suggest to just go back and reread your stories to find your mistakes. I thought that the content of each story was developed and really good.
ReplyDeleteI love your portfolio! Of giants and men reminds me of the John Steinbeck story of mice and men. One thing that could be really cool is another story that concludes and connects how all your stories connect! I really appreciate the author's notes as well because that connects the stuff that I don't know! IT also explains why you chose your stories which is what I really appreiciate. The similarities between the Indian Epics and the Myths in your class are also really interesting and I think that is so cool!
ReplyDeleteHi Erica! I can't believe it's the end of semester and this is the first time I've looked at your storybook. I'm glad I've gotten to it before the class is over! I absolutely love your narrator, and I think the way you've characterized him/her/it gives your stories a very ethereal quality. I also appreciate that you didn't change too much in your first story about the giants of the British Isles. Sometimes folklore is pretty good as it is, and I think it's better to go easy on tweaking rather than overdo it if you really enjoyed the original. Your version of Jack and the Beanstalk is so creative! Especially since giants are so often the villains of the story, it was cool to see them cast in a different light. I didn't notice any issues, so all that's left to say is that you did a great job!
ReplyDeleteHi, Erica!
ReplyDeleteA compilation of stories about giants is such a cool idea for a Storybook project! I have been fascinated by some of the tropes and reoccurring characters that have appeared across our weeks of readings, such as clever foxes and wicked stepmothers, but I never would have thought to focus in on giants. That's such a unique aspect of your project!
My feedback focuses mostly on your introduction and first story about Pangu. I noticed in your author's note that you kept the story of Pangu's origins vague on purpose, but as a reader, that lack of specificity made it difficult for me to keep up. I think it would be helpful if you specified that Pangu's creation occurred in outer pace or some other void, just to clarify the setting.
Overall, I think you have done great work in creating this Storybook, and I have truly enjoyed reading it!
It's interesting to come back to a storybook that has only changed in minor ways since I last read it, but looking for those small changes is really neat!
ReplyDeleteThe addition of the conclusion at the end of the last story helps to tie the entire storybook together. It clarifies that massacres like that are the reason that giants are seen, because they are all in hiding from humans for fear of getting killed in the same way. I don't remember the line about Jack's papa becoming one of the richest men on Earth, which is a bitter thing in the story; despite the fact that he did something evil out of greed, he still comes out with everything he wanted and no karmic punishment.
The narrator's comment at the end is a nice touch as well, implying that the giants will come back out of hiding at some point in the future.
Hey Erica!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your storybook! First off, I love your title! Was this an allusion to Of Mice and Men? Your website has a great design and I love the pictures you chose to include. Your writing is wonderful and creative. I love how you changed up the originals and made them your own. Your introduction does a great job of setting the scene and giving us a little hint into the world we are stepping into. It also does a great job of hooking your readers and making them want to read more. I am so glad I got to read your work and I hope you find a way to continue with creative writing in the future! Good luck!